How We Love
by Bob and Carrie O’Toole
When we think back to our wedding day 21 years ago this month, we remember the romance and the anticipation of our life together. As we reminisce, we realize that our marriage journey has taken us through many different seasons: newlywed bliss, the joy of becoming parents for the first time, the devastation of illnesses and deaths of extended family members, and plenty of challenging times in between. Our relationship has never been stagnant. It seems as if we were always either growing closer together or farther apart based largely on our ability to provide love, comfort, and support to one another.
The Bible says the authenticity of our faith and our witness to the world is demonstrated by how we love. “This is the message you heard from the beginning: We should love one another” (1 John 3:11). Philippians 1:9 exhorts us ...”to let our love abound more and more in wisdom and depth of insight”.
How We Love by Milan and Kay Yerkovich was first published in October of 2006. We picked up a copy of the book at the beginning of this year and read it together. We found the biblically based principles and applications discussed throughout the book to be life-changing for us and our marriage.
I (Bob) grew up in an alcoholic home where needs and emotions were not allowed. At a young age, I learned to be very private and self-sufficient, expressing very few emotions or acknowledging legitimate needs. I (Carrie) grew up as the “perfect” kid in a home where there was no time for me to have any problems. As a result, I grew to desire deep, and passionate connections with Bob and with others. I can easily begin to feel disappointed, rejected or unwanted when that doesn’t occur.
Put us together and you have all the makings for some very difficult and challenging spots to navigate along the sometimes bumpy road of marriage. We discovered that for many reasons, the patterns we learned throughout our younger years carried through to our adult lives, and ultimately into our marriage.
The best part of the book for us was realizing that we can change! There are tools to help us learn how to love, comfort and support each other in ways that bring a renewed vitality to our marriage and bring glory to God! The bond of intimacy in our marriage has never been greater.
Please join us as we welcome Milan and Kay Yerkovich for the How We Love Workshop at Southeast Christian Church!!
Following are the highlights from the workshop:
Friday, September 7 from 6:30-9:00 p.m. PART ONE
What Determines How You Love
Why Every Marriage Gets Stuck
The Revealing Question You Need to Answer
Imprints of Intimacy From Our First Lessons in Love
The Ideal: The Secure Connector
Styles That Impair How We Love
The Avoider Love Style
The Pleaser Love Style
The Vacillator Love Style
The Chaotic (Controller and Victim) Love Styles
Identifying Your Love Style
Saturday, September 8 from 8:30a.m.-12:00p.m. PART TWO
Duets That Damage How We Love
This segment provides a deeper look at the core patterns that occur when different love styles collide. These core dynamics are at the root of many marital problems.
Changing How We Love
The Comfort Circle
Seeking Awareness
Engaging, Exploring, Resolving
Seeing Into Your Spouse’s Soul
Register for the workshop and child care (if needed - requires preregistration) online at www.sechristian.org/workshops or pick up workshop tickets at Lemstone Christian Book Store in Parker. Purchase of the book is not required to attend the workshop.
Following the workshop, we will be leading an in-depth study based on the How We Love Workbook on Thursday evenings from 6:30 p.m. to 8:00 p.m. beginning September 13. Please contact us at otooleclan@hotmail.com if you have any questions or would like additional information.
We look forward to seeing you at the workshop as you learn to discover deeper connections and intimacy in your marriage!